


Splinters

by jardinsdeminuit



Category: Amnesia (Game & Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Lemon, Romance, Smut, Spade World
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:54:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24479029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jardinsdeminuit/pseuds/jardinsdeminuit
Summary: Heroine is slowly starting to get her memories back while she adjusts to her relationship with Ikki, though so far, she has been reluctant to take things further. Perhaps a camping trip is all the pair need to bring them together.
Relationships: Heroine/Ikki (Amnesia)
Kudos: 21





	1. Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this idea in my head for a while now, so it's good to finally get it down in words. This was originally going to be a one-shot, but since coming up with a few new ideas, I decided to split it into two chapters. Second part coming soon. Enjoy!

He was standing outside the train station when I arrived, dressed in his usual black coat despite the late summer heat. For a moment, I thought he hadn't seen me through his sunglasses, but then he turned his head and waved.

“All set?” Ikki reached out a hand for my backpack, but I shook my head, pulling it higher on my shoulders.

“It's not heavy,” I assured him. Besides, Ikki's backpack was twice the size of my own, what with all our supplies inside.

We began to walk together to the bus stop around the corner of the station. I didn't know this area of Tokyo well, but according to Ikki, the bus we were due to catch would take us all the way out to the countryside.

“Three minutes,” he said, glancing at the schedule at the back of the stop. “We made it in time. The next one isn't for another two hours.”

He smiled down at me. Silver hair framed a face that was sharp but masculine. Under his left eye sat his blue spade tattoo. Though tiny, it was one of the defining features of his looks.

Two other people stood under the bus shelter with us. One, a woman about my age, looked up at Ikki. Her gaze lingered just a second too long, telling me that she, too, was admiring his looks. Then her eyes fell to me. She looked away sharply, though there was no missing the hostility in her face.

I sighed softly. It was always like this. Girls fell for Ikki the moment they laid eyes on him. The fact we worked together in a café didn't help things: this week alone, Ikki had been asked out by two different girls, both of them right in front of me. Of course, he'd rejected them, but sometimes I wondered if he'd do the same if I was somewhere else. It wasn't that I thought him a cheater. More like I still couldn't work out why he was drawn to me over other women. With my brown hair and delicate features, I was hardly ugly in the conventional sense, but next to some of the girls that asked Ikki out, it was hard not to feel depressingly average.

Then again, there were so many things I still didn't understand about my relationship, not to mention my life in general. Since waking up with amnesia three weeks ago, I'd been trying my best to adjust. In between shifts at the café and casual dates with Ikki, I'd been working on finding myself once again, filling my time with hobbies to see what felt right. My memories came in disjointed fragments, like flashes of lightning in a storm. Sometimes it was a task in itself trying to work out which scenes were real and which were dreams.

The bus pulled up to the stop, and the four of us, including the girl who'd taken an interest in Ikki, stepped on. After paying our fare, we took our seats, and the bus rolled away.

“It's been so long since I last went camping,” said Ikki, removing his sunglasses and hooking them over his breast pocket. “Four years, I think. Maybe even more.”

It went without saying that I couldn't remember if I'd even been camping before. This was one of the biggest problems with my amnesia, and the reason why deep down, I was slightly jealous of those who could have long conversations reminiscing about their pasts. I felt like a child, re-learning all but the most basic aspects of being alive.

“Was that on a school trip?” I asked. Ikki was twenty-two, so he would have been finishing high school around that time.

“No, actually. A group of friends and I went to the mountains for three days to hike and camp. By the end of the trip, we were arguing over just about every little thing, but it was still fun overall.” He laughed softly. “We'll see tonight if I can remember how to put up a tent.”

His face fell suddenly, as if he'd just thought of something awful.

I frowned. “What's wrong?”

“I'm sorry. I didn't think, joking about not being able to remember something silly when you've lost everything.” He shook his head.

“Honestly, it's fine,” I said, giving him a smile. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind.

“Has anything else come back to you?” he asked. I noticed he kept his voice low. If anyone overheard us talking about amnesia and lost memories, they'd probably think I was making it all up.

“Not recently.” It had been over a week since I'd remembered anything. I'd been having lunch at a café with Ikki when I'd been overcome with a wave of nostalgia so strong it had left me speechless.

“You're right. I brought you here a month ago before work,” he'd said when I'd told him, grinning smugly over his coffee as if this had been his plan all along.

After that, I'd been able to tell him what we'd been eating and talking about last time, even what I'd been wearing. This, it seemed, was the key to unlocking my memories: visiting places and spending time with people. Since waking up, I'd become determined to do whatever I could to reclaim my identity, even if it took months.

Something touched the back of my hand, and I looked down to see Ikki resting his hand on mine. He smiled at me and gave my fingers a squeeze. I returned the gesture, embarrassed at the slight reddening of my cheeks and the way my heart leaped at his touch.

Sometimes, I asked myself if Ikki could tell what I was thinking, or if it was his experience with women that made his every gesture so well-timed. Either way, I was happy to lean back into my seat and stare out of the window, enjoying the warmth of his hand and wondering, like I did so often, if I'd ever travelled this way before.

*

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because the next time I opened my eyes, we were in the countryside. Blinking, I looked over the back of my seat. The bus was empty apart from us and a man in shorts. Part of me felt relieved that the woman at the shelter had already left. I'd been dreading having to walk past her again when we got off.

“You're awake,” said Ikki, snapping shut the novel in his hands. “I was preparing to wake you myself. We're the next stop.”

“Already?”

“You were asleep for almost an hour,” he said with a chuckle. “We left the city ages ago.”

Taking another look out of the window, I realised how right he was. The fields and forests that surrounded us seemed vast, broken up only by the odd farmhouse or distant village.

When the bus pulled up to its final stop, the three of us got off. The man started walking back along the lane. He probably lived in one of the houses we'd passed.

“Are you sure we're in the right place?” I asked, looking around.

“Of course.” Ikki pointed to a patch of forest about half a mile away. “Those trees stretch back for miles. It's the perfect place for a long walk.”

He led the way around the edge of the field, and before long, we were beneath the trees. Warm evening sunlight filtered through the canopy, highlighting the dust motes in the air and making everything shimmer.

Ikki's hand hung by his side. I took it in mine as we made our way along the narrow trail, fighting our way past bushes and fallen branches.

According to Ikki, we'd been dating for almost two months now. We'd kissed a couple of times before I'd lost my memories, but never anything more. Since waking up, I'd been reluctant to even go that far. Of course, Ikki was understanding, though I suspected he was secretly disappointed that our intimacy never went beyond holding hands or sitting next to one another.

That was the main reason why I'd suggested this camping trip. During the three weeks we'd been dating, I'd been slowly getting to know my boyfriend again. Now, it seemed that two days away from the stresses of daily life would be the perfect opportunity to spend some time together as a couple.

We'd been walking for about an hour when we reached a small clearing.

“This looks like the perfect place to set up camp,” said Ikki. “What do you think?”

“It's nice,” I said. The sun was almost ready to set. Within an hour, it would be dark.

Dropping my bag to the floor, I walked around and helped Ikki to clear the floor of leaves and sticks. Then we took the tent out of his bag. Technically, wild camping was illegal in Japan, and a part of me felt anxious about breaking the law, but we were so far away from the city out here, there was virtually zero chance of getting caught.

“Besides,” Ikki assured me, “locals and tourists camp in these forests all the time. It's no big deal.”

Together, we unfolded the dark green canvas tent and laid out the poles. Ikki had told me he'd borrowed this from a friend. It was big enough for three people, so there'd be enough room for us to sleep apart, if that's what we decided to do.

Before long, the tent was all set up. On top of our sleeping bags, Ikki had brought a light blanket that he said I could use if I needed it.

“You'll be surprised how cold it can get, even in the summer,” he said.

He knelt down on the floor now, arranging rocks in a circle about a foot and a half in diameter.

“Is that for a fire pit?” I asked.

“Certainly is,” he said. “Once this is going, we'll be able to have hot water for tea.”

Reaching into my backpack, I pulled out the small saucepan he'd asked me to bring and laid it beside the pit. Even the simple thought of sitting in the dark around a campfire was enough to make me excited for the night. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Yes, actually,” said Ikki without looking up. “Would you mind collecting some sticks?”

I smiled. “Sure.”

It hadn't rained in weeks, so the forest was full of dry sticks that would burn nicely, but wanting to explore the area a little more, I ventured away from the clearing. Within a few minutes, my arms were full of sticks.

I came to a stop next to a huge tree lying on its side. It had been uprooted, probably by the wind, but several of its roots still reached down into the soil, and its branches bloomed. I leaned against it and looked up into the canopy, breathing in the fresh, earthy smell of the forest and letting the light evening breeze move across my face.

The pain hit at once, like a blow to the back of the head. The sticks fell from my arms, scattering across the floor. I grabbed the tree trunk behind me and held on as hard to keep myself from falling.

I saw a vision of what looked like my apartment kitchen. Ikki stood in front of me, only instead of his usual, carefree self, his face was alive with anger. He shouted at me, but the words were distant and distorted. Then he slammed something down on the counter. A knife.

As the scene faded, I realised I was shaking. Was what I'd just seen a memory? Was Ikki really capable of flying into such a rage? All at once, I felt a horrible feeling rise in my chest. The world was growing black around me. I fell to my knees on top of the sticks, then hit the ground face-first.

Perhaps, I thought as everything faded, the perfect Ikki I knew had a dark side to him after all.


	2. Night

When I opened my eyes, it was to darkness.

Slowly, I lifted my head. I was lying face-down on the floor, sticks and dry leaves pressing painfully into my bare skin. The forest was utterly silent around me.

I stood up and looked around, letting my eyes adjust to the darkness. My head ached as if I'd been punched, but it was quickly fading. Usually, I became wobbly when I remembered something and had to sit down. Never before had a memory knocked me out.

Brushing the rest of the leaves from my arms, I took a step forward. The darkness was as disorienting as a thick mist. I couldn't see more than a few feet in front of me, let alone remember the way back to the camp. As panic gripped me, I called out, “Ikki!”

There was no answering call. I turned back to the fallen tree I'd rested against before passing out and placed a hand against it. I shouted his name again, hoping desperately for a reply.

But nothing came.

I took a deep breath to clear my head. Perhaps if I started walking in the direction I'd come, I'd be able to recognise the path. I'd walked in more or less a straight line, hadn't I? The problem was I only roughly remembered which direction I'd approached the tree from. If I walked blindly into the forest, I risked the chance of getting even more lost and losing the only landmark I had.

Something rustled in the trees nearby. A stick snapped in half. I had a terrifying vision of a wild animal pouncing at me before a tall figure emerged from the darkness. The moment he said my name, my heart leaped in relief.

“Ikki,” I said, throwing myself at him. He froze for a second. Then he wrapped his arms around me and breathed a sigh.

“I'm so glad I found you” he said once we'd broken apart. “Let's go back to the camp and you can tell me what happened.”

We walked back in silence. Ikki held my hand, a gesture that was probably as much to keep me close as affection. I wondered how long I'd been unconscious for – at least an hour, considering the total darkness that consumed the sky now. Looking up, I saw that the moon was hidden behind thick cloud. Only a dimly-glowing circle remained.

Now that the panic had gone from my mind, I thought back to the memory I'd seen. Ikki shouting, slamming a knife onto the kitchen counter... I looked up at the man by my side. Would it be wise to tell him what I'd seen? What if he reacted badly? Before today, I'd never imagined that Ikki even had it in him to act violently, but the image of his face twisted with anger refused to leave my mind and kept me on edge.

A light appeared between the trees up ahead, and a minute later, we were back in the clearing. The flames in the fire pit filled the area with a warm orange glow and illuminated the tent. Ikki took a seat on the ground beside it.

“Would you like some water? Or to lie down?” he asked.

“I'll be fine.” I took a seat opposite him, enjoying the heat from the fire. I hadn't realised how cold I'd been.

Ikki picked up a handful of sticks a pile nearby and laid them one-by-one onto the fire, sending embers scattering with each one. “I should never have asked you to go alone into the forest with your condition,” he said, staring into the fire.

“I went further than I needed to,” I said, but Ikki shook his head.

“Please don't try and make excuses for my mistake.” After placing the last stick in the flames, Ikki lowered his head to his hands. “I suppose I don't need to ask why you were gone for so long. You saw another memory, didn't you? It's okay. You don't have to tell me. Some memories you'll want to keep private, after all.”

“No, it's okay.” I sighed. If I didn't tell him what I'd seen, it would hang over me all night. At least this way, I'd get some answers. But when I opened my mouth, it felt like a lump was blocking my throat.

“W-we were having an argument, I think,” I stammered. “You were shouting at me, but I couldn't hear what you were saying. And you were holding a knife.”

I stared at Ikki, anxious for his reaction. For a few seconds, he was silent. Then he looked up at me for the first time since sitting down, and I was surprised to see he was smiling.

“Out of all the happy times we've shared, how ironic that you would remember that day.”

“So, it _was_ an argument,” I said.

“Yes, the only one we've ever had.” Ikki shuffled on his spot. The fire light danced across his face, reflected in his turquoise eyes. “It probably doesn't escape your notice that I get a lot of attention from women.”

I remembered the girl at the bus stop who'd stared at him, and I nodded. It bothered me deep down. Part of me seemed to be forever waiting for the day when Ikki would decide I wasn't worth his time and go off with someone else.

“Well, that day I reached tipping point. I'd served a woman at work earlier. She'd been instantly attracted to me, started asking me questions: whether I found her pretty, if I had a girlfriend. You know, the usual.” He gave a small laugh, but it sounded far from joyful. “Then she started asking me more personal questions, like what time I finished and if I lived locally. It got quite annoying, so I dealt with her order and moved on quickly. She kicked off, saying I was being cold to her and causing a scene in the café. Waka had to ask her to leave in the end.”

Instantly, I felt a rush of possessiveness over Ikki at the thought of someone else bothering him like that. “Do you think she was a stalker?”

“I didn't at the time, but when I finished my shift, I found her waiting for me outside the café in the dark. She started shouting at me again, saying she was going to find out where I lived, or hurt herself because I found her ugly. I ignored her and started walking, but she followed me. It was terrifying.”

“Did she follow you all the way home?”

Ikki shook his head. “I ran and managed to lose her. I was due to visit you that evening anyway, so once I was sure she was far away, I came up to your apartment. You were cooking dinner. Beef rice bowls. I remember opening the door and seeing you in your apron smiling at me. It was perfect. Then I ruined it.”

His voice sounded so sad in that moment that it made my heart drop. I wanted to reach out and lay my hand on top of his, but something held me back.

“I sat down and told you what had happened with the woman,” Ikki continued. “I don't know what I'd been expecting you to say. Looking back, I was so tightly wound after the experience I probably would have snapped at you no matter what you did next. But you just stood there. You looked so... downtrodden, as if you'd been expecting something like this. I asked you if you thought I deserved this, and you shook your head and told me it was to be expected because of how popular I was.”

I raised my eyebrows, a little shocked. “I said that?”

“I don't think you meant it in the way it sounds, but it hurt. I walked over, took a knife and helped you chop vegetables to distract myself. We started arguing. I told you how tiring it is to be popular all the time, heckled by people who judge me by my looks alone. Then you began to cry. You said you were scared that I was going to leave you for someone else. It seemed like you were confessing something that had worried you for a long time.” Ikki looked off into the forest, a vacant look in his eyes, as if he were seeing the scene play out in front of him. “I should have taken that as a sign to stop. But I didn't. I slammed the knife down on the counter and told you that everyone assumed I was some sort of player who treated women like trophies to be won, and now I getting that from you, my own girlfriend. I left. We didn't speak at all the next day. The day after, we had a shift together. I'd assumed you'd be angry with me, but you seemed completely normal, so I left things as they were. Now I know that it was because you'd lost your memories in between.”

I stared down at my hands for a moment, letting all that sink in. Then I lifted my eyes to see that Ikki was looking at me again.

“So, the last time we were together before I lost my memories was an argument.” I felt stupid for repeating what he'd just said, but no other words came to me.

“Yes.” He laughed softly. “Maybe I shouldn't have helped you with the cooking while I was angry, though. I can only imagine what you must have thought seeing that as a memory.”

Seeing him laugh, I realised that I was smiling, too. Relief flowed through me. While the story itself wasn't pleasant, I felt grateful that Ikki had told me. He could easily have kept something like that to himself, or twisted the story to paint himself in the right, but he'd been honest about his anger, and mine too.

I crawled around the edge of the fire towards him. I'd been planning to sit by his side, but he held out an arm, and I took him up on his offer, leaning my head against his shoulder and letting him wrap his arm around mine. His body provided a different kind of warmth to the fire, one that touched me deep inside and made me want to cling to him forever.

“I'm sorry I accused you those things,” I said.

“You don't have to apologise,” said Ikki, his voice softer now that we were closer. “I took my frustration out on you and it wasn't fair.”

“It's not just that.” Once again, I found myself remembering the girl at the bus stop. “I see women staring at you in public or at work, and it hurts. I imagine you finding someone better than me and walking away with them. But I never consider how it must feel for you to be treated like an object, and that's so selfish of me.”

Ikki squeezed my shoulders. “I'll admit I'm confident with women, but that doesn't mean I'm incapable of being in a long-term relationship, either.” He shifted so that he was facing me, and I did the same, kneeling against the dusty floor. He held my face in his hands and stared into my eyes. “That's all I've wanted with you since the beginning. From the moment we met, I knew you were different. Maybe it's because you didn't fall for my charms the same way everyone else did. But then I got to know your caring personality, your sense of adventure, and I felt myself falling.” His voice was barely above a whisper now. The sound of it sent tingles down my spine. “You're right about one thing: I could walk away with any girl I wanted, but you're the one I chose, and I haven't regretted that decision since. I only ask that you believe me.”

“I believe you,” I said, and it was the truth.

Ikki smiled and tilted my head up slightly. In his eyes lay a question. I nodded.

He pulled me close and paused, our noses almost close enough to touch. My heart throbbed in my chest. Since waking up, I'd been awaiting this moment with apprehension, even dread at times. Now it was all I wanted.

Ikki touched his mouth to mine and held it there for a second. Then he tilted his head, parting my lips with his own. I closed my eyes and leaned into him. My body felt weightless, as if none of me existed except at the point where we were joined

A loud crackle in the fire made me jump. Ikki pulled back sharply, concern in his eyes, but I smiled.

“Do you want to go inside the tent?”

Ikki raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” The words coming out of my mouth surprised me, but somehow, I didn't feel embarrassed. The kiss had left me too hot and wanting to care.

The inside of the tent was more spacious than I'd expected and surprisingly warm. I lay back against the sleeping mat Ikki had laid out while he zipped up the canvas door, and then he was on top of me, pressing me into the ground, lips locking with mine. I tangled a hand in the silver tresses of his hair and rested the other on his face, running my thumb along his high, sharp cheekbone. The tip of his tongue brushed mine. I pushed my lips wider, allowing him to slip it inside. It was a strange feeling that seemed almost too intimate for comfort.

“Sorry,” he whispered as I pulled away. “I'll be more gentle.”

He gave me another kiss, brief and sweet, before sitting up and removing his coat and shirt. He was slim but masculine, with wide shoulders and a smooth, toned stomach. I felt the heat rising to my cheeks. I'd never been this close to a man in any stage of undress, let alone one as beautiful as Ikki.

“It's okay,” he said, taking my hand and placing it on his collar. His skin felt smooth and warm beneath my fingertips. I traced a line down his chest and felt the area over his heart. His pulse was so regular compared to mine, which fluttered like a butterfly trapped in a jar. I remembered with a stab of jealousy that he'd done this many times before, probably with multiple girls. That was why he was able to stay so calm.

But as I looked at my boyfriend's face, I felt those thoughts fade away. None of it mattered now. Here we were alone in the woods, cocooned together in this tent, like the last two people in the world. There was nowhere else I wanted to be.

Ikki began to unbutton my shirt. Once I'd slipped my shoulders free, I was down to my bra. His hands reached beneath the cups, long fingers circling my breasts as he bent over to kiss me once more. I sighed, letting myself succumb to his firm, almost painful touch.

“Shall I go on?” he whispered in my ear, his tone teasing.

I breathed a “Yes.” My whole body tingled like it was charged with electricity. I wanted all of him.

Pulling his hands away, Ikki sat up again and undid the button at his waist. Even in the limited tent space, he was able to make the act of wriggling out of his trousers look graceful. I found my eyes drawn to the bulge in his white boxers.

My face burned again. This was really happening. For the first time since we'd started kissing, I felt myself hesitate.

Ikki touched my wrist with his hand, and I looked up at him. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked for a second time.

I waited a moment before answering. “Yes,” I said truthfully. Staring into his eyes, I felt the moment of uncertainty pass. “I want to do this.”

He smiled and rubbed my hand. “Just tell me if I need to stop.”

I slipped out of my skirt and lay back on my elbows. A chill passed over my body, making me shiver. Ikki took a blanket from the corner and draped it over his shoulders as he got into position over me. We kissed again, our lips moving together in a slow dance. I felt something hard press against my underwear, rubbing up against the wetness there, and I gasped.

Propping himself up on one elbow, Ikki slid down his pants, and I did the same. I realised that I was still wearing my bra. I reached back to unhook it, but Ikki placed a hand over mine.

“Allow me,” he said with a smirk, undoing the catch and pulling it over my shoulders. My nipples were already hard, which I suspected was as much to do with the cold air as his touch. As if he could read my thoughts, he pulled the blanket tighter around us.

“Are you ready?” he whispered, his voice low and husky. His hair, which was usually styled so neatly, fell in a mess either side of his face.

I nodded. Lying there naked, I'd never felt so vulnerable, but I knew it was just nerves. Ikki had told me to tell him if I wanted to stop, and I had no choice but to trust him.

He touched his lips to my forehead. His cock brushed against my leg, and then he was pushing into me. My breath hitched in my throat as sharp pain stabbed between my legs. I dug my fingers into his waist, tilted my head back and squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for it to pass.

Ikki paused, his breath hot on my neck. “I'm sorry.”

“It's fine,” I murmured. I placed a hand on the back of his neck, fingertips wrapping around his hair, as he began to move his hips slowly. The pain was transforming into more of a pressure now, pushing me apart from the inside, but as each second passed, it became more bearable.

A low moan grew in Ikki's chest. Soft lips assaulted my neck, and then he was speeding up his pace, thrusting into me with such force it made me cry out. I arched my back against him, and he slipped his free hand under my waist, holding me to him so that my breasts rubbed against his chest. My heart hammered in my throat. The weight of him on top of me, the force of his hips slamming into mine over and over. It was all so much I thought I might burst.

Ikki said my name, and then he buried his head in my neck, gasping and shuddering. Before I realised what had happened, it was over. He pulled back his head to look down at me and smile.

“Sorry,” he said. “I didn't think I would... You know, so soon.”

A slight flush coloured his cheeks pink. For a moment, I thought it was from exertion, but then I realised he was embarrassed. I found myself giggling. It seemed like such a silly thing to worry about.

I slipped my arms under his and hugged him, breathing in the scent of his skin. My body ached, but it wasn't an unpleasant feeling. Slowly, Ikki rolled onto his side and brushed a loose hair from my face.

I found my eyes drawn to the spade tattoo on his cheek. A part of me felt compelled to ask him the story behind it, while the other half feared that if I spoke, it would break the beauty of the moment.

We lay there for what seemed like an eternity before Ikki sat up and reached for his shirt. I could tell from the low light filling the tent that the fire had died down to almost nothing. Sure enough, once I'd pulled on my pyjamas and followed him out into the clearing, I saw that only a dim light glowed in the fire pit.

“Ikki.”

He looked up from where he was bent over the pit, laying more sticks on top and blowing on the embers. Even in the dim light, his eyes sparkled like polished gemstones. “Yes?”

I glanced back at the tent, then up at the sky. The clouds had cleared to reveal the moon. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent of the forest, wiggled my bare toes against the ground. “Let's sleep under the stars tonight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! For some reason, this chapter took ages to write, but I'm happy with how it turned out. As always, drop a comment if you enjoyed, and thanks for reading! :)


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